people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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