that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
