there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
