i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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