Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
