in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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