Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
3pm strippers are depressing
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I need water and some morals
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize