I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
