I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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