You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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