If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
