Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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