Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm both gender and math confused
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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