She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
