Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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