how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
