you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
