call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
