Just took my morning after pill in the library
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
