Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
