Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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