How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
