youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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