I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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