wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
