so that wasnt chicken after all
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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