If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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