3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
