Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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