Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize