i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
