Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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