U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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