ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize