the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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