Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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