so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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