He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How does one acquire holy water?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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