Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
