shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
