So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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