between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
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I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
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Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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