This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
