her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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