just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she woke up with a sticky ear
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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