i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
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how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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