I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
