I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
