I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
