I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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