So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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