Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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