I seem to have left my pride at pride
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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