I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
