You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I love having hate sex.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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