I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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