I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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