I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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