I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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