Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
