dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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