Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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