So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
