Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
