nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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