This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
