Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
