you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
