seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
